I am grateful

It’s funny how things happen, but sometimes you just show up, give it your best shot and see how it  happens.  This seems to be one of those times and for some reason I wanted to talk about it.  I wanted the people around me to understand that what you do and how you do it matters.  I wanted to explain what the people in this group really do matter. 

As most of you know, we have lost a baby and I couldn’t figure any way to get out of it. But I showed, even when I didn’t know what I was missing and I have some sense that when this is beginning to pass, I will look back and remember that you guys really saved me. In a good way.

The other day I showed up for a class and we did something that had to do with figuring out what two things mean. I know two things about that. One that I have no idea how to figure out what the second word is.  Two is that right now I have no idea what it means. I will show up and we will keep doing it. Some day maybe it will make sense, but it may not and what I know is even if I never figure it out you guys will probably still be here. For this I am grateful.

I am grateful for whatever is coming next. I am anxious to see more about what changes and what doesn’t. I am beginning to think that whatever this is will turn out to be a gift for me. I will learn things and understand things that I didn’t before. I have already discovered that some of the folks around here can be pretty stupid.  People try to listen to me and sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes people talk slow to me or look around for somebody else to who asked the question to.  Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes I hate it but generally it’s funny.

I will keep showing up. Sometimes it’ll be funny, sometimes maybe not but I’ll keep coming because you all come. Sometimes I will know something to say and as I get more comfortable I will someday and they have something to help somebody else and I will do it.

In any event, I am grateful.